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To the Mentor: Your Gift, a Passport


The other day, a mom-of-two friend of mine complained her kids are hard to please at this time of year. They can long for and be bored by gifts, which are exorbitant in cost and low in use. Her kids have iPads but want an X-Box One. Easily said, "Mom, can I have a game console?" but on limited income, her answer could cost her $300-400...on top of the $400-700 cost of the iPads of last year. This is just one family's story.

Knowing parents nod; I feel ya.

Here's the problem: marketing companies have the job of selling product, as much of it as they can. And last year's toys must never be a match to this year's new and improved versions of the same. The commercial and consumer economy beast must be fed.

But what if this year, during this gift-giving season, we could take a different approach? What if you matched your gifts to the gifts of your children, your friends, or your family members?

A mentor of mine once said this when describing the essence of a compliment: "Catch someone in the act of becoming what they're destined to become, and let them know you did." In others, let them know you can see where this is going, and that it's good.

What if gifts could accomplish the same thing? What if gifts were something like a passport? What if they gave access to new lands of opportunity, new ways of thinking about themselves, new equipment to get the next big job done?

When my son was a little guy I discovered my administrative assistant was also a substitute teacher of violin at a local high school. I asked him if he could teach a father and 6-7 year-old son. After finding violins on eBay for a steal, the three of us met weekly for almost 8 months. The point was to teach music and instrument appreciation. Josh and I did our best, but mostly made screechy noises. When Josh entered 1st grade, another teacher offered a violin tutoring class using the Suzuki method. He joined, with my urging. For two years, he attended, practiced, and even participated in recitals before proud parents (who were impervious to the defined screeching raking of youth violin ensembles by this time).

But all was not well. Even though he was making strides with this instrument, practice did not come easy. In fact, it became as much of a parental chore as it was for him. Always reminding. Limiting playtime until the practicing was over. Asking if he had done everything the tutor assigned. No one was having fun at the end of that second year.

Then one day, as he was preparing to start a new school year and the topic of band class and violins came up, Josh asked pointedly: "Don't you know I'm a drum guy?!"

In an instant, I knew clearly he was right and the violin had been MY vision for him, not something that emerged from who he was. In the following month, I bought a snare drum and several percussion instruments as he began his new school year and band class as a drummer.

That was 5 grades ago—we have never, ever had to ask him to practice. He's now the drum captain of the high school marching band and plays with a small peer pickup band in his spare time.

He's in a whole new world because the gifts given to him from without match the gifts given to him from within. These gifts are like passports to a new world.

This gift giving season, catch someone in the act of being who they are becoming. Let the gifts match who they are and who they are becoming.

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